First week in school.... and I am freaking out. Turns out the class I was most excited about; I am not so excited about anymore. I do not know as much about building web pages as I thought. This frustrates me so much. I need to learn more. LOL guess that is why I am in class huh? Funny thing is, I sit here and think about how to begin a html code and I know how, I know what to use, where to find info if I need it. So why am I so scared? I dunno. Fear... I fear failure, I fear that it just won't be good enough. That happens!! I understand this.
Another thing going through my head is, I just want to throw in the towel, throw my hands up and say, "I GIVE UP! NO MORE!" But I cannot, I have loans, and I have already put in so much time and emotion. I want to see something I actually finish. I don't really finish a lot, like take for instance laundry. I will only have one load left to fold and then I will leave that in the dryer. Its a weird thing, I just don't understand about myself. I go running make it to 2 and a half miles and I will stop. WHY? When I can continue, and I don't have a problem with it, my body isn't fighting it. I am breathing fine, but I stop.
Funny how things in your life make you stop and say "hmmm". Gets you thinking. I mean I am just the same happy, and I am happy with my family, friends, and life in general. I get the times where I am a little frustrated, but what is life without the frustrations? To help you realize just how great everything really is. Problem I am having is getting past the frustrations. UGG.
My kids are on spring break. I love those guys they are so cute, and so smart. I love having them home. I love having them here. Right now they are at a friends house staying the night. I miss them. The house feels empty. I love being a Mom. I love being a part of their lives. I love that someday I get to see them as adults. And seeing (hopefully) how well I did at helping them grow up.
My husband is a great guy. He really is. He helps me clean, cook, and stay sane. I feel like I don't do enough for him. I have had to go to the docs alot latley. So I have been limited in doing things with him. Its sucks. I had something happen today that made me upset and he was trying so hard to help make me feel better. I want to get better at this wife thing. I want to help make everyone I love happy.
What to do? What to do?
Thats all for now, help me say some prayers to find my way.....have a good one and thanks for reading!
Amber
Its been another long while, and here I am.... update.... still in school, and still happy with my family and friends. I don't like how some things turned out with certain situations, but I understand that I can't always have things go smoothly, people won't understand everything. That is life.
My kids are in soccer, so I have to make sure that they are at their practices every day except Friday... keeps me busy. I work out in the mornings still. But due to me not getting enough sleep lately I have been so tired, and oversleeping. This has GOT TO CHANGE. I believe it is due to stress. So first thing is first, I need to stop stressing, lol.
Yesterday began my new term for school. I have English Comp II and Web Page Design. I got to say I am more excited about my web page design class than I am about the other. I am just not liking the fact that I have to write papers. I am lucky though, I have friends that will help me out with the papers, so I get a good grade. *mental note, go to classroom discussion board and write something*
I am looking forward to this Sunday Easter I want to make an attempt to go to church again, maybe start going every sunday again. I was much happier when I went to church.
I know something not cool with me.... I let people and situations get to me. Its like I forget all the other good things in my life. And all I concentrate on is the bad thing that is getting my attention. And the situation usually is not going get fixed or get better. No matter what I do.
Thus is life, I want to get better at this. Someday I will.....
Hope this finds you all having a great day! Wish me luck in getting some good sleep tonight!
Amber
