Juggling my world...

First week in school.... and I am freaking out. Turns out the class I was most excited about; I am not so excited about anymore. I do not know as much about building web pages as I thought. This frustrates me so much. I need to learn more. LOL guess that is why I am in class huh? Funny thing is, I sit here and think about how to begin a html code and I know how, I know what to use, where to find info if I need it. So why am I so scared? I dunno. Fear... I fear failure, I fear that it just won't be good enough. That happens!! I understand this.

Another thing going through my head is, I just want to throw in the towel, throw my hands up and say, "I GIVE UP! NO MORE!" But I cannot, I have loans, and I have already put in so much time and emotion. I want to see something I actually finish. I don't really finish a lot, like take for instance laundry. I will only have one load left to fold and then I will leave that in the dryer. Its a weird thing, I just don't understand about myself. I go running make it to 2 and a half miles and I will stop. WHY? When I can continue, and I don't have a problem with it, my body isn't fighting it. I am breathing fine, but I stop.

Funny how things in your life make you stop and say "hmmm". Gets you thinking. I mean I am just the same happy, and I am happy with my family, friends, and life in general. I get the times where I am a little frustrated, but what is life without the frustrations? To help you realize just how great everything really is. Problem I am having is getting past the frustrations. UGG.

My kids are on spring break. I love those guys they are so cute, and so smart. I love having them home. I love having them here. Right now they are at a friends house staying the night. I miss them. The house feels empty. I love being a Mom. I love being a part of their lives. I love that someday I get to see them as adults. And seeing (hopefully) how well I did at helping them grow up.

My husband is a great guy. He really is. He helps me clean, cook, and stay sane. I feel like I don't do enough for him. I have had to go to the docs alot latley. So I have been limited in doing things with him. Its sucks. I had something happen today that made me upset and he was trying so hard to help make me feel better. I want to get better at this wife thing. I want to help make everyone I love happy.

What to do? What to do?

Thats all for now, help me say some prayers to find my way.....have a good one and thanks for reading!

Amber