I don't understand people. I made a judgment on someone.... because I listened to someone else, yeah yeah I know STUPID ME!! Well, I apologized to this person over and over and over again. She said everything was all good. But then pointed out my mistake again in a blog. I am just so confused, one after another it seems I keep getting all this bad stuff put on me. I don't talk about any of my friends, or tell any ones business anymore. I just don't do it anymore. I hurt people when I did, so I stopped. Of course I had to have a lot of bad stuff happen to me before hand, but it seems that it is only human to only learn the lesson when things get super bad. And another thing, why do people have to continue to hate me when I don't even talk to them anymore, when I haven't even seen any of them for like 6 months. I don't bother them. Wow, I have been told a lot of seriously bad stuff, and none of it has got me to cry, but I am on the actual verge!! Why is this happening to me? I guess I am getting tired of being the butt of a joke, or the subject of conversation, especially when I have already made my apologies. Especially when I am told that all is forgiven. ESPECIALLY when I haven't bothered or been involved with any one of them, or that I haven't caused any problems for them. None of them know whats going on in my life, I don't know what is going on in their lives. I don't sit and talk about them.
This week has been bittersweet, I learned I lost 20 pounds so far after having been sick and in pain for 2 weeks, but to only be told some stuff that is upsetting. I don't know whether to be happy or sad right now.
It seems a person can never win, that even when you sit back and NOT talk about others, and NOT share their business with anyone that you can still get slapped in the face, and stabbed in the back. Before, a few months ago, I deserved it, I was being to arrogant, and malicious, I let things get to my head, so truthfully I needed to be taught a lesson, but right now, honestly I don't believe I deserve this.........
| You Are a Good Friend Because You're Accepting |
 No matter what a friend says or does, you try your best to understand it. And your friends feel like they can tell you anything. You don't judge. You know that friendship is a journey - with a lot of ups and downs. If you and a friend grow apart, you get over it quickly... and leave the potential for future friendship open. You tend to have many friends from many walks of life. Anyone you meet is could become a friend. In fact, you are especially interested in people who are a little different than you. Seeing life from another perspective is something you cherish. Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else with their secrets You really can't be friends with: Dogmatic, stubborn people Your friendship quote: "Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes." |
| You Are a Prophet Soul |
 You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |
I haven't written in forever!! I have had so much goin on in my head, its like I have been on this journey. To be honest with you, I am still on this journey, the thoughts and emotions I am feeling are starting to get better. Baby steps I suppose. I had to let go of some things....... which hurt the most. I don't know where to go from here now. I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down with the wind blowing like crazy.
I started school, awesome.... I am having a great time, only now I am feeling like I don't want to persue my dreams with school. I need to reconnect myself. I need to continue, push forward.....*sigh*
My surgery is coming up, and I can't wait. At the same time I am nervous. Wish me luck.
Pisces is the twelfth Sign of the Zodiac, and it is also the final Sign in the Zodiacal cycle. Hence, this Sign brings together many of the characteristics of the eleven Signs that have come before it. Pisceans, however, are happiest keeping many of these qualities under wraps. These folks are selfless, spiritual and very focused on their inner journey. They also place great weight on what they are feeling. Yes, feelings define Pisceans, and it's not uncommon for them to feel their own burdens (and joys) as well as those of others. The intuition of the Pisces-born is highly-evolved. Many people associate Pisceans with dreams and secrets, and it's a fair association, since those born under this Sign feel comfortable in an illusory world.
It's a pair of Fish that represents Pisceans, a symbol which prompts others to suggest that these people 'go with the flow' and 'don't make waves.' Both of these labels are true, since Pisceans are fluid and easy-going, in keeping with the Mutable Quality assigned to this Sign. The fact that two fish (as opposed to one) represent the members of this Sign also speaks to the duality of Pisceans, their yin and yang sensibility. Pisceans alternate between reality and non-reality in keeping with their introspective natures; their voyage between consciousness and an unconscious dream state says much about their intuitive, almost psychic natures. For this reason, Pisceans can be hard to pin down, prompting some to call them the chameleons of the Zodiac. The Fish are happy to be considered hazy, since there's a certain sense of safety in that self-proclaimed netherworld. That said, they won't stay away for long, since one of their primary goals is to help others. Pisceans are compassionate, charitable and will quickly put the needs of others ahead of their own. It's this kind of self-sacrifice which keeps these folks going. The flip side to their giving natures is that oft-timid Fish are likely to be taken advantage of by less well-meaning souls.
Pisces is ruled by the Planets Jupiter and Neptune. In ancient Roman mythology, Jupiter (the original ruler of Pisces) was the king of the gods, while Neptune was the ruler of the seas. When Neptune was discovered in recent times, it was attached to this Sign. The pairing of these two heavenly bodies results in some unique energies being directed toward Pisceans here on Earth. Those born under this Sign are spiritually oriented and charitable. They are compassionate, easily feeling another's pain. At times, however, Pisceans can have difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy: they tend to get caught up in their dreams and views of how things should be. To say they wear rose-colored glasses isn't much of a stretch. Pisceans who fear that their pleas aren't being heard tend to lapse into melancholy and, worse, the kind of pessimism which leads to procrastination and lethargy. At times like this, Pisceans are well-served to take some time for themselves, the better to find their center once again. Many Pisceans also immerse themselves in the arts and other creative pursuits as a centering mechanism, and they are quite talented in these areas.
The Element associated with Pisces is Water. Those born under this Sign easily relate to the emotional and unpredictable nature of this liquid gold. Pisceans feel a great deal, and they also feel misunderstood much of the time. They're not quite pushovers, but they're certainly sensitive. Yes, they could cry you a river if the circumstances were right. Even so, they revel in their compassionate and imaginative natures and love to cater to others. They can also be quite romantic, dreaming up delicious treats for their lover. Hopefully, any kindness will be reciprocated, because the Fish can certainly turn blue if they're not. Pisceans are generally gentle, easy-going folk, who are on the shy and reticent side. They are modest to the point of impracticality, often stepping up only to show their talents in painting or music. Easiest for the Fish (and still great fun) is living in their lush dream world.
More relaxation for the Fish comes in the way of sports, specifically water sports. Pisceans love to swim, and it's this easy glide in a pool or the sea which serves to alleviate much of their stress. Once their mind is at ease, the Fish are well-advised to focus on their feet, a frequent source of discomfort. Soothing comfort does come in a world colored in purple and soft white. When it comes to the game of love, Pisceans are caring and romantic and a most creative mate.
The great strength of the Pisces-born is their compassionate and charitable nature. These folks love to help others and do so in the most imaginative of ways. It's their feeling sensibility that wins people over.
I am so confused about the direction I should go.....
I am so confused
I don't know what to do.
I want my feelings to be diffused
and it seems no one has a clue
I want to change my life
make me a better person
and be someones wife
but its seems my pain has to worsen
Where do I go from here?
what does the future bring?
I have so much to fear
I have so much to sing
What things make me happy?
What things make me excited?
why do I feel so unhappy?
Why am I shortsighted?
I don't want to hurt people
I don't know who cares
I wish I could tell people
guess I will just wipe away my tears
I wish I could tell someone
I wish I could trust
I wish I could show someone
I wish I could do what I must
I don't want to let go
I know I will be happy
and then I can show
I just want to be happy
** This poem doesn't make any sense to you probably, but it makes sense to me, guess it shows just how confused I am, lol.**
Fall is here, man do I love the colors!
So I haven't written in 2 days, perhaps only cause I didn't really have anything to write. Today I do. I got the results to my skin cancer test..... fun stuff. It was pre-cancerous, so yeah I got to go back to the place for more tests next week. Fun stuff. I am bothered by it, but what can I do, its life.
Went to my therapist today, I went in, she asked me how I felt, I said actually I am not feeling anything. Is that bad? So we had to break down why I wasn't feeling anything. Turns out I am stressed out, not news to me!!
Can't wait to start school, the 10th is not coming fast enough.
Amber
Today I just wanted to sit on the computer and just play around. put to good use the stuff I am learning. Put things on my blog. Mess with my myspace, you know, just do basically useless stuff. When out of NO WHERE I get this feeling in my stomach, like something just wasn't quite right, so I try and call 2 of my friends, cause I had a feeling it was one of them. I was right, one of my friends sons was hurt playing with his bike and he had to go to the ER and get stitches. Poor little guy. Whenever I get feelings like that, and it turns out to be true, it trips me out. My other friend had a dream that the very same thing happened to her son, and ended up calling the friend whos kid was hurt right after it happened!! Isn't that just crazy!!??
Well anyway, me staying on the computer all day, didn't make someone very happy. What is he going to do when I am on the computer for school? I am getting all edgey, it seems like I can't really make anyone happy. So to compensate for that I try too hard. Reality is, I am the one not very satisfied with stuff. My friend brought up self destructing to me. Its a subject I often think about. I self destruct myself alot. I should not. Oh well. Guess that is just how life can be sometimes. And unfortunately I am a very emotional person. I can't seem to turn them off. I have had times where I just didn't care about anything. And then later my emotions seem to want to make up for lost time. UGGGGGH!
Well that is all for now. Guess I will write tomorrow when I have more interesting stuff to write. TTYS!
| What color is your soul painted? Grey Your soul is painted the color grey, which embodies the characteristics of elegance, humility, respect, reverence, stability, subtlety, wisdom, strong emotions, balance, and cancellation. Grey falls under the element of Water, and symbolizes the moon, tide, ebb and flow.
|
 Quizzes and Personality Tests |
To begin, I am Amber. I am a junior web page designer working under my mentor Samantha Simons. I know a good amount of stuff, but I want to learn more. I am starting school on the 10th of October, I am so freakin excited.
