Juggling my world...

A saying that I wanted to write down that I just did not want to forget... life can sometimes feel like you are following one thing in a circle in the snow.... just something to think about. I will write more later. Thank you Sandy for my thought.... lol

Amber

Today I went on base with my hubby, my fantastic kiddos, and my girlfriends awesome kids, we watched Home Alone, they kids got a kick outta it. I was giggling too, then we went to pizza and then back home, it was such a nice day!

Now my thoughts.....
I have been trying to find my christian heart that I lost touch with for a while. As you have read in my old posts. This journey that God has me on can get a little emotional from time to time, and TIME again. I am not good with emotions, I don't know how to break them down until I break down. I don't really know that I am stressing out, or that something is bothering me until someone points out that I am not myself. Then, when its pointed out I sit there and think, what is going on with me now?

I run away from myself alot. I am afraid of being by myself because of my thoughts. I am just too damn emotional. Perhaps that is why I like to have a lot on my plate?

I need to clean out my closet, so to speak, one thing I am going to keep is my volunteer thing with G.L.A.D. designing a web page, haha, which I have been avoiding as well. I am pathetic. I have my ideas, which I will be drawing out tomorrow on paper, then putting it together on my nifty laptop. Then when I give them my paperwork I will be getting administrative permission for the website, and then it is allllll mine!! Muh HA HA HA HA!! The world shall see my work!!! Its all apart of my evil plan to take over the internet!! *lightning crashes*

ahem...

Anyways, I have some medical issues going on. Which turns out bothers me more than I thought. I began to view myself as a nuisance, so stupidly I automatically thought EVERYONE else thought the same thing. I am just too damn hard on myself. I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY. My health conditions are NOT my fault, I need to get that in my head.

Anyone know anything about brain abscess besides the fact that it is a bad thing? What about effusions? Anyone?

So anyway Monday I get to do a tilt test, to test my heart and see just how bad I am about fainting. Its funny I would call someone like me a dumb ass. Always freaking fainting every time I stand up. *mumbles* dumb ass......

OK so I will be seeing a ENT specialist soon. Can you believe the receptionist accidentally cancelled my consult? So I had to call my doc and ask for them to put it back in the system so I can make my appointment. Which I have not made yet.

Well look out Sunday, cause here comes Amber, going to church again. I am loving this church thing.

Today was pretty ok. Went to church learned a few things here and there, went out to breakfast/lunch... it was pretty good.

My friend Tiffanie wanted to race tonight... yeah she won, my stupid thighs decided to do this cramping thing half way through the race... slowed me down!! So now I walk around like an old lady with arthritis in my knees!! HAHA! I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Other things going on in my head. Wish I could break them down a bit. Oh well.

Other than that nothing else to write.

-Amber

Yeah its been a few. I had to take a time out really. Deal with my health issues, and what not.

Things are going pretty OK. Life is pretty good. Can't complain I have a roof over my head, two working vehicles, food in my kitchen, really cool kids, a husband that loves me, and friends who love me. Life is pretty OK.

On the forgiving part. Yeah I have finally forgiven. Those that needed it, I forgave. Those that I should not have wasted my time on... I forgotten. With all this new, clean slates I don't know what to do with myself except sit around, do homework, and smile.

I have an echo on the 15th, I hate the fact that I have to drive so freakin far to get it. Annoyed.

We are getting orders to WA state. I am excited and happy about it, but sad cause I am going to be leaving some pretty cool ass people. Oh well there is always the internet right?

Well that is just the little update you are going to get, have a good one! And keep on smiling, gets people to wonder what you are smiling about.

Nite,
Amber

Just looking through quotes and I found that one above and this one right here. "We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn't matter." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

I did not really have a family growing up. So it takes a lot to find that one person that seems to understand you, even when you don't understand yourself. So finding someone right now that would be my friend no matter what, means a lot. Teaches me something about life. Teaches me that I am not alone in this world. That is comforting to me. My friends have been here to show me how to forgive. How to love, and how to just enjoy life.

Being on this journey of life has been a great eye opener for me. I am learning to be happy. Its so wonderful.

My husband is so great. He loves me. We have been together for almost 10 years, WOW! That is pretty good huh?

My kids are so awesome.

Letting go of things that hurt was scary, but now that I am doing it... turns out, its not so bad. Cleaning out my life, and avoiding situations makes life a little less crazy. Choosing who surrounds me and choosing who makes me happy gives a sense of control.

Well that is just a little idea of what is going on in my head. I have a ways to go, but darnit I am getting there.

-Amber

So I had an MRI done... I won't find out the results until 3-5 business days. I am kinda nervous, but then kinda not. They are looking for clots. I have the symptoms of clots, guess they don't want me having an aneurysm.

When things get serious, I think I might tell my family.

My days have been going pretty nicely, my husband has been home with me, I have my homework done, I made it to my class tonight, and learned about programming and looping. WOO HOO!! Nerdism here I come!!

Tomorrow I have plans to buy a pretty dress, with some pretty shoes, and some pretty earrings... its just going to be pretty. And then hopefully my husband and I can have a double date with a best friend and my big brother.....

Gonna leave you with a quote... "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit"

-Amber

Went to church today, it was pretty nice. Pastor talked about forgiveness... yeah that is something I just don't understand. What is my focus, how do I get my heart to just let go? I wrote a list of honest to God truth as to who I need to forgive, I have my step-mom, dad, mom, and three other people. I don't know what to do about this.


With my dad all I really want to hear him say is that he "fucked up" he should have kicked Claire out of his life the instant she put me in the hospital at the age of 5!! That is my daughters age, I cannot dream of ever hurting her like that!! If someone was to hurt her, I would do something I am not going to write down here to that person.


My step-mom, how do you forgive someone that almost killed you? Seriously?


My Mom, its hard to forgive her for hating me, or resenting me. For resenting the day I was born, because my father hurt her so badly, and I am a reminder of who he is.


The three other people, I cannot find in my heart of hearts to forgive them for the hurt they did to me, like I said before once I put into my head that someone is my friend, its like I just relinquish all my walls and trust the person, trust that if they ever have a problem with me, then I will be the one to know, not everyone else. Trust that they won't sit there and mock me or say mean things about me when I am not around. Trust that when I feel I am in a deep, dark hole with no flashlight or a way out and I reach out to them they will help me. They won't sit there and tell me I am a bad person for being depressed. They won't turn their back to me, when they are the only one I have. Trust that when I introduce them to a close friend of mine they won't try to get between me and that friend. Trust that even when they get new friends they won't forget about me.....


If you have not figured it out, these are just a few things that happened between myself and the other people.


And God wants me to forgive them? How? How do I do that? I want to be a better person, a person that doesn't hate and is not hurt by certain things that others did to me.


I need to also forgive myself... how?


Good Night....
Amber

Man I am tired of waiting for an email from my husband, this is getting ridiculous.


So I sit here, had a really good day, went to Target with my kids, and my friends kids, we had fun, afterward I took them for ice cream, they dug it. I got Heather her little cat ears for her costume. She is going to look so stinkin cute.


I am watching another friends kids, overnight, yeah I don't do this often, I really kinda hate babysitting, so when I offer then I must really like you, or really like your kids. I have like 7 kids sitting in my living room watching "Speed Racer" they were all quiet watching it, then all of a sudden CRAZINESS, I had to go in there and tell them I expected better of them all, and that I know they behave better than that. So far its quiet again. OK, just now I discovered, its my youngest of the group creating the havoc, its ok got it covered.


I talked to my aunt about some stuff today, just realized that I don't want to write what we talked about for fear that the wrong person might read this, but she told me a little about her side of the family, turns out I am a lot like them. Which is amazing considering I did not grow up with them at all. Guess there really is some truth in the whole Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.


Anyway I gotta tend to my young peeps here, give them some love, and then sit with them all in the living room so that maybe they will actually behave better? We'll see. Good Night Internet World!!




*~Amber~*

I am supposed to write 7 things you don't know about me... look out enemies, I will not write what I don't want the rest of the world to know!


1. I hate dirty windshields... I have this overwhelming feeling that if its dirty then the driver can't see so we are gonna have an accident.


2. I have fallen in love with Biscotti, I love dipping it in my hot coffee!! YUMMY


3. I don't like long finger nails on anyone, do you how much crap gets under there, AND remember where you scratch? Which brings me to #4


4. When someone is sitting there biting their nails, it ercks me, like nails on a chalkboard... ewww


5. It takes ALOT and I mean ALOT to make me dislike someone, so when I don't like someone, then its for a really good reason.


6. I actually pose for silly pics, they are not accidental pics. Yeah so I am weird, up yours.


7. I love being silly, absolutely love it! I will be serious if I have too, but being silly comes first. I love to smile and to make other people smile.


-Amber

Pretty good quote huh?


I am noticing something about myself each day that I write in this blog. My mind is at ease. In a way this is my meditation. Meditation is defined as: Meditation is a practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stress, promote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth.


I find that by concentrating on just what is going on around me, I am able to break it down, and focus my attention on the correct problems. It is helping me realize the moment. Where I am exactly in my life.


The unfortunate thing is I am becoming very aware of a lot of things around me that just don't seem right. I don't even know if I want to talk to anyone about these thoughts.


Who knows....


Enough of that blah, blah, blah.... I am excited I am finally keeping up with housework, and homework!! YAY ME!! I friggin rock. I deserve a glass of wine, oh wait here it is! LOL, yeah tonight I am gonna be drinking myself some yummy Riesling. Of course this will be after about an hour or two of reading for my homework. Hey, I gotta keep up the good work, I am feeling great! Tonight I made dinner at an appropriate time, for once. I don't know if I invented it, but since I did not have enough chicken I made chicken and turkey hotdog tacos. Yeah that's right, you know you want some! LOL, well even if you don't I don't care. My kids loved it.


As I write this I am listening to christian music. I am really liking a lot of this stuff, its mellowing me out.


Thanks for reading the ramblings of a confused chick.... trying to juggle life one day at a time.

-Amber

Today I went to work, it was pretty OK for the most part.

Which brings to mind the fact that I am going to church now. Yup, me, going to church. I liked the first lesson we were learning. He was telling us that we should not cast stones to anyone. We should not judge them. OK so I am guilty for this, I judge people when I know it is not my place. I am working to NOT do that anymore.

I try not to judge someone till after a full conversation. Then I make my decision if I want to pursue a friendship. I never did that before, before I would jump head on into a new friendship. I am still dealing with the consequences of that now. I made friends with people that, given the choice now, I would not be friends with. But in all consideration I put too much into being their friend I feel bad for wanting to cut them off.

The friends that I have acquired since my change are sooooooo freaking cool! They accept me even when I am a total asshole in general, of course they tell me I am being an asshole, but all in all they TRULY accept me for all that I am. The good, the bad (lots of that) and the ugly (can't help that, lol) I finally have the confidence in knowing that they don't talk shit about me, at all. I get emotional at the thought of them. I love them. They are my family.

ANYWAYS, enough of that shhhat, I wrote my husband an email asking him to refrain from sending me emails with a to-do list. I hope to hear from him soon. Only a short little tiny while more and I get to see him again. One of his emails he talks about how I may be spending a lot of time indoors when he gets back... lol.

OK so I am done, gonna finish this food, do some homework, I have till 9 to do, and then hanging with my girls.

*sigh* life can be so aggravating, but at the end of the day you get to sit back and enjoy a sunset with your family/friends.

To answer your question, today is actually pretty OK, aside the fact that I stayed home today to do housework and I am still contemplating what to do first.... I am pretty sad girl.

Aside from that, I was able to download a bunch of new songs. I am really liking the song, "hot and cold" by Katy Perry. "One step at a time" is pretty cool too by Jordan Sparks.

I am proud of myself for getting to the gym, I made myself do 30 minutes even though I was not feeling it, and I remembered to get my blood work done for the cardiology thing next week.

Getting email from my husband used to be fun, but now all he keeps writing to me is a "honey to do" list. I thought that was meant for the husbands? I am going to have to write him and tell him to stop. I don't know if he is trying to be encouraging, but he is not here so how is he to know that I am already stressed the heck out? When I write him email I try not to tell him negative stuff, he already has a lot on his mind, and I just want him to not be detracted so he can come home and then I can yell at him! LOL.

OK sooooo I guess I better get this whole cleaning thing done. FUN FUN. Maybe I should put on a pot of coffee.....

Later!
Amber

So far a lot has happened, again. Yeah, yeah I know I don't EVER write on here, but you know what? Life takes you for a ride, and sometimes you don't get the time to do things like this. Well, be proud, I found the time!

These past few months I have met some pretty freakin cool people, and then again these past few months I have met some people that seriously deserve to get kicked!

I started working at walgreens, I was all sorts of excited. The store was set to open in July, I got the job in June, and after a month.... I was one of the best damn photo specialist out there! The people that were at the store I was training at, were pretty cool. Well, its almost October, and the store has not opened yet.... yeah.....
so those people at the store who thought, I was only going to be there for a short time, well they are not so cool with me anymore. They are annoyed that I am still in their store, and annoyed with the other people that are from my store. They want their store back, they are tired of the fact that when they go in, they have nothing to do cause there is so many people there to do something that everything gets done before 2pm. I don't hate them for feeling this way, I feel the same. I want my OWN STORE, I am tired of being kicked out of the photo place. The very place that I was hired for! Now I get stuck searching the floors looking for something to do. Well with that problem came another. Driving. Having to drive 45 minutes there and back everyday was bad for me on gas. I had to fill the tank up like 2-3 times a week! I was getting help from my kingsland people with gas, but I felt bad for asking for money, which drove me crazy!

What did I do with my kids in the meantime? My friend who was kind enough to help me out with my kids, I felt like I was putting too much strain on our friendship cause of this damn job. I miss Mike. He is deployed so its like I am a single mom right now. This freakin sucks. Anyway so I talk to my boss, explain I cannot afford gas and stuff, and he tells me that I can start coming to work once a week until our store opens (if that ever happens!). Whew! Thank God!! I applyed for a sub job at the schools to be a lunch lady. I got the job of course, now lets see if they call.

I am still in school, but with all this stuff happening to me, all these thoughts running through my mind I cannot seem to keep this together. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to run away! This is not the answer of course. I cannot seem to keep it together enough to actually remember anything I am learning. I keep forgetting that I have a class on Tuesday nights. Then when I do the quiz.... I don't pass!! ARGH!! What the hell am I doing? Who the hell do I think I am? Dammit writing these words is making me want to cry, but since I am sitting outside with my friends (neighbors) I am trying to keep it together.

I get a letter from my husband telling me that he hopes I am keeping the housework up.... HAHA, I laugh, HAHA, that is hilarious!!! I can't keep my mind together what makes him think I can keep that together? What was I thinking when I got this job. It seems that I (once again) put too much on my plate. Way to go AMBER!

I think I need to go for a long run, just to figure all this stuff out. I wish I could stop pushing myself into guilty thoughts because I asked my friend to help me with my kids, and she said yes, but I feel like I am an asshole for asking. How do I get myself to stop thinking this way? Anyone? Anyone? Nope, no body? OK, well then guess I am on my own.

Thanks for reading and if you haven't left me, thanks too!

Amber (one crazy chick)

I have a job, I am enjoying it, but of course with work you have to work with people.... the unfortunate thing is you do not get to choose the people you work with or the people you will meet. I love being a photo specialist. I am enjoying the hell out of it, but I am freaking out. I wish the store would just open already so certain things will happen.

I am sitting here watching the movie "de ja vu" pretty interesting stuff. Too bad we really don't have the technology to do this, be able to go back to a certain day of a certain person to see what happened in the last few hours of whatever day. My goodness this would solve a lot of mysteries. Anyway off the subject.

I feel so overwhelmed with having to do school and work and then I get to come home to a house that is falling apart, and just when I think I am back on track... something happens to change the day, and I fall behind. I have a dream that one day I will be able to plan my kids clothes for the week, have a house that is swept and mopped, have dinners already made or at least begun... and my homework will be almost done. Yeah nice dream huh? LOL. I need to figure out a routine, but I need to get all this damn laundry folded and put away, and once I do, I will then start to do a list of chores I set a routine for, and my house will be CLLLLLLEEEEANNNNN, ahhh that would be nice. Its just so stressful to not be able to keep my shit together. I give props to all those chicks out there that can have a job, be a mom and wife, and go to school and still have the house clean and dinner started!! If you are out there and you are reading this, EMAIL ME!! I want some advice!! LOL.

Maybe sometime in the future I can hire a maid to come to my house for one day and straighten shit out, so that at least I have something to start from, and then I will be able to keep my shit clean hopefully.

A while back I was told that I had drama surrounding me, and I needed to get that away from me. At first all I thought to myself was, what the heck no I don't! But I had some things happen that opened my eyes, and I discovered that yes I do, I saw that by me trying to "help" someone that I barely know (someone that really doesn't give a shit about me), by listening to them or by trying to stand up for them I was putting myself in situations that had nothing to do with me! I learned that I needed to leave shit alone. Let things be, and if I meet someone, now, and they are always talking about "whoa is me", their life is terrible and all these people are bitches because they all hate them... I smile and say oh OK, well its time for me to go, nice talking to ya. And I never pursue a friendship with them. I don't need the negativity. I don't need to put myself in that situation with them. My friend calls it "broken sparrow" syndrome. Its pertains to those people that always have someone in their life that has something always wrong with them. Someone is always hurting them, something is never going their way.... so the people with the syndrome are always trying to help those people.

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!!! ARGHHHH! Sorry. Its just my thoughts, written out to be a little erratic, and if you are reading this, sorry. That is what blogging/journaling is for. Its to help the writer in whatever way it helps them. Anyway I just want to say I am just pretty content with my life, and I hope things get a little less crazy with my new job. That is life though, someone out there is always adjusting to something new in their life. So here I am adjusting. I know I am gonna figure something out, that is my personality. I try to adapt to my surroundings, its something I learned being a military brat. I am sure there are people out there that were not military brats that can do this same thing.

The night is ending and I need to get some sleep, to go to work in the morning, this will be one of the few times I will ever work on a Saturday. I don't like not being home to spend time with my husband when he finally has the time off. This sucks though, I am just working tomorrow cause I am trying to make up for losing Tuesday. We need the money. My husband is working on Sunday so I lose that opportunity with him.. dammit.

Love to all have a good night, and seeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaa!!!!

A week ago I started a new set of classes. One is called Social Behaviors and the other is my Database Building. Yeah *sigh* I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. Guess who decided to get a job? Yup, you guessed it, my kids... no, no I joke. I got a job, although I am happy as heck about it, at the same time I am a little sad. I am the new photo specialist at Walgreen's, I am working on training for head photo specialist. Yeah we will see how that works out.
So, here I am in a class that requires a butt ton of reading and the other wants me to build something I have no clue how to do because I have not had the time to come home and learn about it. I am so disappointed in myself. I know I can do this, but another side of me almost wants to say, why bother? Even as I write this I want to take my hands apply them to my head and pull the hair I have left from my head!
So lets break this down, I have a new job, I am attending two classes that require A LOT of my attention, my house is in shambles, my bills are paid but I still owe a lot of money, my new job is 45 minutes away and I cannot afford to gas to keep driving, and I miss my kids cause I have been working so much, my husbands division lost 4 people that left him with only one, himself, so now I NEVER see him either..... yeah that sums up most of my stress right now. Maybe to you, reader, this may not look like a lot to worry about, but to me.... I am going out of my mind!! Being a head photo person is pretty busy stuff. Not only do I print out film and pictures that people upload, I also have to print out a "to do" list from my bosses and make sure all of that is done, I have to go through the baked good isle and make sure none of it is outdated, I also have to keep everything clean, and take in DHL shipments....and AND be a cashier!!! Please don't mistake my rambling as a complaint, this is not a complaint this is a outlet for the stress I am feeling, maybe if I write down all I have to do and read it I will see its not all so bad, yeah its not working.
I am sitting here with another thought that I am choosing to not write down, but this thought is making me feel like shit. I am so angry about this "thought" that I want to scream at everyone. I want to ask why me? LOL you are reading this and thinking WTF Amber. I am still not going to say.
If you are still with me, thank you. I just reread this and its not making a whole lot of sense. Its like I am writing down my actual thoughts as they occur, and you are right. That is where my mind is. Everywhere.
Right now I am supposed to be finishing up my laundry or chores or whatever. And then I need to do my homework. Yeah that is not going to happen, at least not right now. Its hard to concentrate when you feel so damn pissed.
Well dear reader, I am going to end this writing catastrophe and put my kids to bed, its past their bed time. I am a bad mommy. Oh well, they will be ok. Good night, and pray that I find my way through this haze of anger.

Amber

A mother's love determines

A mother's love determines how
We love ourselves and others.
There is no sky we'll ever see
Not lit by that first love.

Stripped of love, the universe
Would drive us mad with pain;
But we are born into a world
That greets our cries with joy.

How much I owe you for the kiss
That told me who I was!
The greatest gift--a love of life--
Lay laughing in your eyes.

Because of you my world still has
The soft grace of your smile;
And every wind of fortune bears
The scent of your caress.

**Isn't that a nice poem? Gets you thinking about life in general. What your purpose is. I wish I had it in me to write in my blog everyday. But I don't. I don't want to bore all you special readers out there with the same thing everyday. My days are pretty boring, I wake up, take the kids to school, I come home get ready to work out, come home again, and sometimes babysit or clean house. Then get the kids from school, soccer practice and then dinner. Boring huh? Keeps me busy though.

I have been told that I have changed a lot in these past few months. They may be right. I mean I had some bad stuff happen. I got over it or learned to deal with it. I have met some outstanding people, and I have met some NOT outstanding people. I used to be the person that thought, "if I am part of a "mean" person's life that somehow, someway I could change that. I could get them to love or at least LIKE their life." Turns out, I am not so good at this. LOL. Turns out, by doing this I may not create drama, but it certainly surrounds me. Unfortunately a really nice person I knew got caught in my transitional stage and they were one of the first people that I kinda cut out of my life. I never cut people out of my life, so this is one of my flaws, or was. Now I am getting pretty good at cutting out the fat so to speak.

One thing I never thought I would hear myself say is this, "I lost 100 pounds!" Yup, me, I lost it. I cannot believe it. I don't know when I will ever get over this. It amazes me. Makes me want to cry. FINALLY, I am happy with me!! I am not saying that when I was bigger I wasn't better, I am saying, now I am not breathing hard, now I can actually sleep, now I don't sweat as much. Now I have A LOT of energy. Crazy what life brings to you huh?

First week in school.... and I am freaking out. Turns out the class I was most excited about; I am not so excited about anymore. I do not know as much about building web pages as I thought. This frustrates me so much. I need to learn more. LOL guess that is why I am in class huh? Funny thing is, I sit here and think about how to begin a html code and I know how, I know what to use, where to find info if I need it. So why am I so scared? I dunno. Fear... I fear failure, I fear that it just won't be good enough. That happens!! I understand this.

Another thing going through my head is, I just want to throw in the towel, throw my hands up and say, "I GIVE UP! NO MORE!" But I cannot, I have loans, and I have already put in so much time and emotion. I want to see something I actually finish. I don't really finish a lot, like take for instance laundry. I will only have one load left to fold and then I will leave that in the dryer. Its a weird thing, I just don't understand about myself. I go running make it to 2 and a half miles and I will stop. WHY? When I can continue, and I don't have a problem with it, my body isn't fighting it. I am breathing fine, but I stop.

Funny how things in your life make you stop and say "hmmm". Gets you thinking. I mean I am just the same happy, and I am happy with my family, friends, and life in general. I get the times where I am a little frustrated, but what is life without the frustrations? To help you realize just how great everything really is. Problem I am having is getting past the frustrations. UGG.

My kids are on spring break. I love those guys they are so cute, and so smart. I love having them home. I love having them here. Right now they are at a friends house staying the night. I miss them. The house feels empty. I love being a Mom. I love being a part of their lives. I love that someday I get to see them as adults. And seeing (hopefully) how well I did at helping them grow up.

My husband is a great guy. He really is. He helps me clean, cook, and stay sane. I feel like I don't do enough for him. I have had to go to the docs alot latley. So I have been limited in doing things with him. Its sucks. I had something happen today that made me upset and he was trying so hard to help make me feel better. I want to get better at this wife thing. I want to help make everyone I love happy.

What to do? What to do?

Thats all for now, help me say some prayers to find my way.....have a good one and thanks for reading!

Amber

Its been another long while, and here I am.... update.... still in school, and still happy with my family and friends. I don't like how some things turned out with certain situations, but I understand that I can't always have things go smoothly, people won't understand everything. That is life.

My kids are in soccer, so I have to make sure that they are at their practices every day except Friday... keeps me busy. I work out in the mornings still. But due to me not getting enough sleep lately I have been so tired, and oversleeping. This has GOT TO CHANGE. I believe it is due to stress. So first thing is first, I need to stop stressing, lol.

Yesterday began my new term for school. I have English Comp II and Web Page Design. I got to say I am more excited about my web page design class than I am about the other. I am just not liking the fact that I have to write papers. I am lucky though, I have friends that will help me out with the papers, so I get a good grade. *mental note, go to classroom discussion board and write something*

I am looking forward to this Sunday Easter I want to make an attempt to go to church again, maybe start going every sunday again. I was much happier when I went to church.

I know something not cool with me.... I let people and situations get to me. Its like I forget all the other good things in my life. And all I concentrate on is the bad thing that is getting my attention. And the situation usually is not going get fixed or get better. No matter what I do.

Thus is life, I want to get better at this. Someday I will.....

Hope this finds you all having a great day! Wish me luck in getting some good sleep tonight!

Amber

There always comes a time in a person's life when they have to really think about what, or who they want to be, they have to realize what they have in their life, and what to be thankful for. I think I want to write out what my "things" are here just so I can get a good look at my life, and maybe be a little more thankful.

To start, I am married to a great guy, that for some reason finds me to be a hot item. He just can't stop hugging me and telling me he loves me, and how pretty he thinks I am. Granted, it was not ALWAYS like this, but things have gotten a lot better than before. He cooks, he cleans, and he babysits. I am a very lucky person. I need to show him more apprication.

I have 2 really good kids. They actually behave when I am not around! IMAGINE THAT! They are both so smart, and so cute. I know, I know, EVERYONE thinks this about their kids, but you know what? My kids have blonde hair, and blue eyes, and great smiles. I am thankful to have produced 2 people that I believe are better looking than me! LOL.

I am going to school, yup I am getting my education and learning stuff. I may complain that one of my teachers is a hard ass, but really I am very happy I am getting this opportunity to learn something new. When I am done I get to walk away with a degree and hopefully a better job future.

I have lost a lot of weight, God decided to let it work out to where I got the gastric bypass, and now, annnnnd now....... I am so energetic, happy, and excited at what the new day will bring. I couldn't be happier.

And finally my friends..... I have such great people in my life that TRULY care about my well being. They get mad when they see me do stupid shit, and then they call me out on it. And when I ask for advice, they give it whether it'll hurt my feelings or not. I never get to say this often, but now is a better time than any. Thank you, thank you for all that you have done, and giving me the opportunity to be in your life. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face, and laughing at my jokes even when they are corny. Thank you for answering the phone when I called you and cried cause I just could not get a good hand on my education or my sanity. Thank you for being a part of my life. I will always hold you all in my heart.

Well looks like I have a lot to be thankful for, maybe that is the reason for my eyes getting all watery right now. Being sentimental can be such a pain. But whatever...... my life is going pretty OK.

Thanks for reading.....

Amber